i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
