His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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