you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
