just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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