I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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