I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
