Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
