I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
