So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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