Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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