he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
