Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
