Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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