I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
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Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
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I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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