we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
