nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
