is your mom at the bar?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
