Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
