im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
