operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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