I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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