I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
