to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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