DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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