whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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