Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
