Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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