shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
