Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
