Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
