Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Randomize
