I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
