She's JV to your varsity
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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