all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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