my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
