Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
