I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
