last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
