Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
