Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
