he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
