so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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