Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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