Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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