I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
