I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
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