took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Randomize
