No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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