Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize