Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
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but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
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A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
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