All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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