i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
