my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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