A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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