Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
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Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
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Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
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