I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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