I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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