She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
