The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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