I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
