They should really pass out barf bags in church
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
