I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
my shit smells like andre
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
