genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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