At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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