The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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