i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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