We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
