So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
