the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize