I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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